How many times have you sat with heartache, sobbing into your tissues, wondering, what you did wrong, why me, not again and how could I have been so stupid? I know that we’ve all been there more than once, searching for that elusive relationship, looking for the magical one, your “Mr Right.” Sadly though, it is you. You are the one that has, unconsciously, done something wrong. You have been stupid, and you have gotten exactly what you wanted over and over again. Before you stop reading in indignation, take a big deep breath and go on a journey of discovery with me.
From birth we are brought up to live from the outside in. Everything we are, everything we feel is programmed into us through our five senses; sight, sound, smell, taste and touch. The environment in which we grow up, conditions us, creates our paradigms [habits], our paradigms create our behaviours and our behaviours give us our results.
Have you ever wondered why someone who comes from an abusive home often finds that they end up in abusive relationships? It’s their paradigm, their norm, to them, that’s how relationships are supposed to be. The same often occurs in the case of parents with partners who are unfaithful, and you wonder, why do you aways meet men that cheat? Then you start to generalise that all men are the same, but that’s not the case, you just keep attracting the same type of men to you that match your paradigm. But what if you could think yourself into different results, what if you could use your head to give your heart exactly what you desire? Think about this, the greatest leaders in the world, all through history, have stated that if you want to be successful and have control over your results you have to think from the inside out. And why shouldn’t you plan the type of relationships you want, instead of leaving it to chance, how has chance been working for you so far?
Now, take a big deep breath, gather your thoughts about you, get a notebook and a pen, the new you, the you, you have always wanted to be is about to rise from the ashes of your previous relationships. You’re going to be thinking into results from now on. Draw a line down the centre of your notebook and write down all the things you don’t want from a relationship on the right hand side and all the things you do want on the left hand side. Don’t rush this part of the exercise, it’s important, make sure you write down every non-serving paradigm [habit] about relationships that you have, don’t leave any out.
Now that you have done this exercise you’re bound to find that there are more items on the right hand side than on the left hand side? Cut the page in half. Take the piece with all the things you don’t want from a relationship outside with a box of matches and set fire to it watching all those negative thoughts and paradigms go up in flames. Your subconscious mind believes everything it is presented with, it cannot differentiate between fact and fiction, and the symbolic meaning of burning the negative thoughts is extremely cathartic. You still have the piece of paper with all the things you do want from a relationship in your notebook, read them through slowly and make sure that you have all the things you can think of right now.
When you have all the points written down, take a fresh page of your notebook and write down these words first, “I am so happy and grateful now that…….” followed by all the things you do want out of a relationship. You should be feeling quite excited by now. You are on the road to getting exactly the results you want. Writing out your dreams, your fantasies, your goals for the relationship you want causes thinking, thinking creates an image of the relationships in your mind, the image stirs emotions, emotions cause action and action sets up a reaction, leading to new results, the ones that you want.
The very first step towards a successful relationship is knowing what you want, you don’t need to know to get it, just what you want. You will send out the right vibrations naturally, by reading every day, over and over, your relationship goals, until they become your new paradigms. And sooner than you know it, you will start attracting the right kind of partner into your life.
Now you are in the right frame of mind to hone your intellectual faculties, these are the higher faculties that we all possess, which makes us the highest form of creation on the planet that we know of at least. These faculties are Perception, Will, Imagination, Memory, Reason and Intuition and it is to your advantage to develop these faculties to a greater degree.
When you look at the results you were achieving, you now know what you were thinking, and when you were thinking it, it caused feelings and those feelings, caused the action and the action caused the reaction producing the same result over and over. Now you have the power. Stop letting the outside world control your mind. Be an objective observer when it comes to outside forces, look at your results as would a total stranger and if you’re saying to yourself “Hmm, I don’t think I want that” then begin to think about what you do want. Everything in life takes practise and repetition; it’s the same with relationships.
Now that I have had your undivided attention for a while I can almost hear the voices of doubt whispering to you, “it can’t be that easy”, “it’s not going to work”, and “my friends will laugh at me”. Will they? If they do then they’re not true friends. Think about this, the very next time you hear the words “you can’t” shout as loudly as you can, depending where you are, “NEXT! I only want ideas about how I can.” The NEXT shout comes for the 333 story, about Bob Templeton from Canada and I urge you to read it it’s easily available on the internet, it’s worth the read. Whenever you get the feelings of doubt get out your notebook and write on the top of the page “how I can get the relationship that I want?” and then write on the other side “how I can’t” then put a big cross on the how I can’t page as you are not interested in negative thoughts and how you can’t.
Doing this hones your faculty of Reason and reason is what provides us with the ability to think. Through our inductive reasoning faculty we have the ability to originate thoughts and form ideas, we can observe how and what we are doing and then think of ideas on how to do it better. You had been bogged down by outside forces, conditioned to believe and behave in a certain way, this conditioning often caused unrealistic expectations of relationships in the past. Romanticised ideals are not what relationships are all about, they are about mutual respect, love, partnership, laughter, family and fun, and most importantly understanding, through the good times and the tough times, and you can have everything you want in a relationship, by thinking into the results that you want.
Listen to your Intuition. Take time alone to get to know you better. Listen quietly and your intuition will permit you to know what is happening in your mind and most importantly love yourself, it’s far easier to fall in love with someone who respects, cares and loves themselves too. Don’t let the outside forces control you, you control them. I’d like to leave you with one of my favourite quotations, “When you change the way you see the world, the world you see will change!” Dr Wayne Dyer.